Time for some sexy Empire on Empire action...

As mentioned in my previous post, the Evil Empire's opponents had defaulted, so we opted to have a scrimmage amongst ourselves. Of course... getting enough players for two full sides was pretty difficult too. Smirnoff, Hot Sauce, My Pet Monster, 8Mile, Joh and Kate all couldn't come due to work, school, Australia and, pft, Christmas celebrations. So we went out and recruited some players. Jellybean returned for one game only, and our friends Mr. Kennedy and Bush League stepped into the fray. We also persuaded dodge-umentarian Jared Bryer to step out from behind the camera and take part.

Even then, we only had enough players for five-a-side, but it was still a hell of a lot of fun. We all got a chance to make some spectacular plays and, not surprisingly, everyone stayed loose and calm. Apparently, that's what it takes for us to have a good time during a game - - no opponents!

In the grand scheme of the ongoing development of the Evil Empire, it was a very interesting exercise because I learned a lot about my own playing style and my team.

(These are in no particular order)

Me - I leave my right arm totally open when I'm blocking a ball. Jimmers picked me off two or three times, and I think The Deal got me a few times as well. But I also learned that even people who've seen me play countless times have a tough time reading my throws.

Jimmers - Bastard is a wily dodger! And very fast too. He got across the floor for sweeping and striking so quickly that it gave us little chance to recover from our plays. As I mentioned above, he was also very accurate and observant enough to find a hole in my defense.

The Deal - For my money, the best player of the night. The Deal was virtually impossible to hit because his blocking is so strong, and if he didn't have the ball, there was a good chance he'd be able to catch anything thrown at him. His throwing was accurate and hard.

Jellybean - Her throws were incredibly well timed and accurate. Jellybean could also teach me a thing or two about positioning and conservative play. She was always in the right place to make the smart play and kept our opponents honest. Most impressively, when she was the last played on the court, she consistently delivered big catches.

Tool Time - Always a competitor, Tool Time threw as hard as he could, and benefited by the small gym, had incredible accuracy. He's also come a long way in terms of his dodging ability. No word of a lie, I saw him jump clear over two balls when barraged. This time last year, he just would've taken the hit.

Pocahontas - Damn, girl can throw. Even with an aching shoulder, Pocahontas was able to lay down some throws so strong they'd scalp you. Whenever I play a team, I quickly organize in my head who the biggest threat is, only to be superseded by who is an incredibly easy out. (Usually someone who is not paying close enough attention to the play.) Every round, she became my priority. She was so aggressive and, as far as I could tell, going through the same thought process that I was running through, I had to try and take her out as quickly as possible, or she'd get me.

Banana - I was really surprised by Banana's throws. They're deceptive. They have so much movement on them that they make you want to reach out and grab them, but they end up just barely grazing your hands. It was frustrating as hell from my perspective, but that's the point, isn't it?

At the end of the night we all voted on who the game MVP was, and just about everyone got a vote, but in the end, Mr. Kennedy ended up with two votes and the much desired Reg Dunlop Award!

It was a fantastic way to end the season.

The two sweetest words in the English language: DEFAULT!

On Tuesday night Moth Balls' captain and archives aficionado Marina emailed the team to let us know that there was a very good chance that our opponents for the evening (Not In The Face!) might have to forfeit the game. After some deliberation, the other team told Marina that yes, they would be able to show up, but might not have enough players for a proper game. Instead, the Moth Balls and Not In The Face! would have a mixed game with people just playing for fun. Jellybean and I both had some work to do at home, and the weather was crappy, so we decided not to go.

Now tonight's Evil Empire game is also ending in a default! Our opponents, SLAUGTERHOUSE, had to forfeit because they all work together and tonight is their work Christmas party. So we're going to have a scrimmage amongst our team and with some of our friends playing too.

So, alas, no game reports for you, my loyal fans.

However, I do want to note that the end of our dodgeball seasons does not mean an end to the content on this blog. Instead I'll be focusing on instructional posts or, maybe, just maybe, some allegedly funny posts.

Your hero,
Chudley #77

“Injuries put us on our guard” - Latin proverb

(Consider yourself on notice: I am not a medical professional. I am not a doctor, nurse or physiotherapist. Follow my advice at your own risk!)

After nearly three and a half months of playing dodgeball twice a week, I can generally sum up the experience in one word: painful.

As I write this, my right shoulder (my throwing shoulder) is aching in anticipation of tonight's game. My left knee has what's left of a sizable scab, undoubtedly adding to my impressively scarred leg-elbows. My back has more knots in it then a sailor's rope. The tendinitis in my elbow has become so strong that most of the velocity of my throws has been lost. My ankle, long ago diagnosed as having loose ligaments, aches on occasion.Wednesday and Friday mornings often have to start with some whey powder mixed in with my oatmeal. I can feel in my knees when rain and snow storms are entering the Greater Toronto Area.

In short, I am in rough shape.

Granted, I was stupid and played other sports over the course of the season. I subbed in on Lefty's floor hockey team and started playing in a Sunday night soccer league at BMO Field. Although these sports don't use my arm as much, they still worked my back and knees out of joint.

These injuries aren't just limited to me. I know my Evil Empire teammate Pocahontas is having serious shoulder problems. Last week her arm hurt so bad she needed help putting on her jacket after the game. Rob on the Moth Balls has often had arm trouble.

Fortunately, I am merely hurt, not injured. And yes, there is a distinction. An injury is something that requires the attention of a doctor. It usually involves profuse bleeding or something breaking. An example of an injury is described by Neil (better known as My Pet Monster) and I in the Evil Empire Dodge-umentary. Neil had dropped to his knees to dodge a ball, but also ducked his head, splitting his forehead on the gym floor. That is an injury. Being hurt is merely the aches and pains that add up over the course of a season. Bruises, tight muscles. Stuff like that.

So what is a dodgeball player to do?

Well, it's been my experience that these are some good ideas:

- Water, drink lots of it. Before games. During games. After games. The day after games. Almost all muscle pain and stiffness comes down to dehydration or built up lactic acid. Both require the intake of massive amounts of fluid. I remember one tournament I was in that lasted for an entire day and I barely had time to drink any water. I was incredibly sore for days. Eventually, my body flushed out disgusting amounts of lactic acid.

- Warm up properly. I have seen so many teams get on to their court and start to "warm up" by whipping the ball as hard as they can at each other. In my opinion, that is a poor idea because your muscles won't actually be warm and you'll be putting all kinds of stress on them. This is particularly a problem in Canada in the winter time when you will literally be cold. Instead, wear a sweatshirt on to the court while you're warming up and throw the ball slowly and lightly. Focus on the mechanics of your throw. Then lightly stretch. Your arm will thank me.

- Dope up. The advice you've all been waiting for: recreational drug use! If you've got tendinitis in your elbow (tennis elbow) then I would highly recommend taking a single ibuprofen approximately fifteen minutes before a game. It works like this: as tendinitis is an inflammation of the tendon (the rubber band in your elbow) an anti-inflammatory like ibuprofen will pre-emptively shrink your tendon. When your elbow does inflame (and trust me, it will) it will inflame to approximately your normal size. It will still hurt, just not as much.

- Treat yourself to a massage. There are many legal and non-sexual ways to receive a massage. A convenient, though expensive option is to go to the Great American Backrub. There are several locations in Toronto's downtown core, as well as across North America. A less expensive, but slightly less convenient option is to visit a massage therapy school. For a significantly reduced rate, you can be used as a practice run for an aspiring masseuse. In the GTA, I'd recommend the Sutherland-Chan school.

- Use your head. As I have been told many times, it is just dodgeball. But that doesn't mean the strain on your arm is any easier. Don't throw the ball as hard as you can every time. Learn to use a variety of pitches, with off speed stuff. Don't throw directly at a target, but to its sides and hope that they reach out for a grab. Go for high percentage shots. Simply wailing the ball as fast as you can, as hard as you can, is going to hurt.

- Just because the game is over, doesn't mean your work is done. As I said above, make sure you drink lots of water after your game. If you've been sore after games a few weeks running, maybe it's a good idea to turn down the chicken wings and beer after the game, and instead go for grilled chicken on a garden salad washed down with juice. If anyone chirps you, point out that you're giving 110% for the team, unlike their half-assed play.

One excellent resource can be found here, at the WebBall website.

The last and most important piece of advice I have is know your limits. I am a ridiculously competitive person and am very suspicious of doctor's advice. However, even I know that sometimes you have to butch up and walk yourself to a doctor. If an injury nags for days or feels like more then just being sore, stiff, or tender, see a doctor. Preferably one who specializes in sports medicine, but a general practitioner is a good idea too.

Man Google is fun

So I was just googling the phrase "Toronto Dodgeball" and I came to a video I'd posted nearly two years ago about our semi-finals match-up with our hated rivals the G-String Cowboys. The game ended in a 7-7 draw because the school's janitor wanted to go home and insisted we leave. Because we had the superior regular season record, we ended up advancing to the finals and playing another hated rival - Shouldice. We ended up beating Shouldice by one point in a sudden death overtime match-up.

I made this video to get the Evil Empire pumped up and officially inform them that the Toronto Central Sports and Social Club had ruled in our favour.

Enjoy!



Admittedly, it is not as strong as Evil Empire: A Dodge-umentary, but it's pretty hard to argue against Val Halen's Right Here, Right Now.... even if it is Sammy Hagar doing the vocals.

Well that was fast...

The Thursday night competitive league finished it's regular season last week with the Evil Empire's 19-12 loss to the Hell Spawns. That loss put us at a final record of 5-4-1 and a third place finish.

The one tie was against our friend Helen's team Dodgebull 2. Really, we won that 15-14 game but Dodgebull disputed the score, saying that it was a 14-14 tie. After a long hold out, I relented, since we'd already locked up our third place seeding, and the win or tie was irrelevant.

I know third place isn't great, but it's right where we wanted to be. It guaranteed that we'd make the playoffs, and we'd get to avoid our opposite numbers, the top seeded Shouldice in the first round, as they'd be playing Dodgebull who came in fourth.

However, as covered in my previous Evil Empire post, we really struggled with our psychology against the Hell Spawns. We played anxious and tight and made a lot of basic mistakes and lost 19-12.

Further, we were playing at Havergal Collegiate, a very deep gym which would expose our weak arms. This would be exasperated by the fact that My Pet Monster, our strongest arm, is in Australia.

To get over these obstacles, I made a few decisions. First of all, I underscored the importance of catching by making the Reg Dunlop Award be all about who can get the most catches while getting caught out the fewest times. I also emphasized these two important offensive strategies:

"1) Throwing as close to the centre line legitly makes a big difference. It literally subtracts metres from the distance you have to throw.

2) Throwing in tandem with at least one person in a barrage will protect both of you from being caught out, and greatly increases the chances of getting the target out."

I mentioned these points in a pre-game email, and then again in a team huddle at the start of the game. Smirnoff had played the Hellspawns in a tournament and underlined the fact that they were good catchers, so making sharp decisions while throwing was important. Before the game, 8Mile had overheard the Hellspawns talking in the change room about how the key to beating us was to get us worked up and upset and the train would come off the tracks.

So we had it all worked out for us. We would throw together, from the centre line, and then look for catches. All while being sedate.

Sedate was the operative word.

We came out with a total lack of hustle. Although we looked for catches, we did not throw from the centre line, and too often we did not throw together. We were listless. In a gigantic gym like the ones at Havergal, sweeping should be easy. However, we were so slow to act that the Hellspawns were committing to full four-ball barrages against us and still getting back most of the balls.

At one point we were losing 8-1.

Only a mid-game speech by Smirnoff turned anything around. He got people moving and we started throwing barrages. After the speech we won four rounds compared to their two, and made the game a slightly more respectable 10-5, but it was still a loss.

That's more like it!

Alas, the Moth Balls did not make the championship brackets.

Instead, we are playing in the consolation brackets. Our first round match-up is against a familiar foe: DUCK!.

DUCK! are very similar to the Moth Balls - - both teams put an emphasis on having fun and learning how to play the game, which makes the game more pleasurable for our team. The first time we locked horns with them, we beat them 10-7. The second time, we lost 11-8.

Unfortunately, due to illness, a busted subway system, and a vacation to Mexico, we were very short on players. The first round only had me, Jellybean, Lefty, Mary and Andrew. We played really well, and won the first round.

The subway blockage got cleared up and our teammates began to trickle in, but unfortunately we were never able to get a lead on our opponents. We just traded rounds with them all night. One highlight, or low-light, depending on your viewpoint, was when I smoked one of their girls in the face. It was totally by accident; the ball slipped out of my hand as I wound up for a sidearm throw. She was totally caught by surprise as the ball sailed right in to her face.

Over the course of the season, DUCK! had developed an annoying habit: not going to the bench when hit by a ball. It sounds simple, but it was surprising to see how often they'd get hit squarely by a ball and not react to it. In particular, one of their guys was oblivious to when he was out. It would take three or four direct hits to get him to acknowledge that yes, he was, in fact, out.

I know this sounds like sour grapes, but I swear that if DUCK! had been more honest, we would have tied or even won the game. As it is, we lost 10-7.

You can't always be a well-oiled machine.

As captain of the Evil Empire, my goal is to make us as smooth and professional as possible. We're at the point where everyone on the team has played dozens of games and won championships in several leagues. In fact, with all the tournaments my teammates have played in, I expect that I haven't even won the most trophies with my five championships. Our players have played in countless tournaments and leagues under different sets of rules, with different equipment in different gyms. They've always adapted and succeeded.

We're at the point where stepping on a dodgeball court should be just another day at the office. Sometimes this comes off as cool confidence, other times we come across as arrogant dicks. But we go into most games thinking we should win.

Unfortunately, when we have an off game, it really affects us.

Our confidence becomes surprisingly brittle and our game starts to delcine at a rapid pace. We try to go for the big plays and ignore our fundamentals. We become sticklers over the rules. We sulk and yell and get completely out of hand.

Tension is our enemy.

Unfortunately, last night against the Hell Spawns was a classic example of us getting so wound up we couldn't play. It was odd, considering that we had already been guaranteed a playoff spot, as either the second or third seed. But we played like we were terrified of the loss. A good team will play hard but loose, no matter how much is at stake.

As a result, we got whupped 19-12 by a team that, on paper, is inferior to us. Our reward? We get to play them again next week, this time in the semi-finals. When there is actually something at stake. That gives us seven days to get our heads straight.

Wish us luck.

That has to be some kind of record...

Before last night's game, most of the Evil Empire was waiting to get in to the gym at St. Clare Catholic School when a girl from a team we'd played before recognized Jimmers. She walked up to him and said "You're a douchebag".

Classy.

Sometimes you have to be lucky to be good.

Last night was the last regular season game of the Moth Balls, and we were struggling against the Ball Maulers, a team sponsored by the travel agency the Flight Centre. In one of the late rounds we'd whittled down the Ball Maulers to just two players, but I was the only person left on the Moth Balls side of the court.

There was a ball on my side of the court, and a ball in my hands, while both of my opponents had balls in hand and were at the centre line. I opted for a rushing dodge. For the uninitiated, a rush dodge is perfect for a two-on-one situation where all the players have ball in hand. The single player waits for their opponents to wind-up their throws, and then rushes at their opponents. The key is that they don't rush directly at the opponents, but run in a large curve, getting out of the way of the incoming throws, but ending up right beside one of the throwers. It's advantageous because it usually gets out one of your opponents, and you can usually recover one of the thrown balls.

Unfortunately for me, only one of my opponents threw the ball. Even worse, the guy I was charging had held on to his sphere.

I then made a stupid decision: I decided to throw my ball at him, even though I wasn't yet at the centre line. His teammate, still at the centre line was gawking and definitely a better target for my early throw, but I foolishly opted to throw at the guy with the ball. This was the first poor idea in a series of bad ideas.

I also made the mystifying decision of sliding on the ground to avoid his throw. Of course, he still hadn't thrown his ball. Also, the floor at the gym was very slippery, so I slid all the way up to the centre line. I had also missed my target completely, and put it in to the crowd behind him.

To review: I had chosen a solid plan, but launched it too early. I then abandoned my plan midway. I chose to throw at the wrong person and far too early. I missed that throw and put it in a position where it would never roll or bounce back to my side of the court. I had also slid, on my side, directly beneath my opponent, who still had his ball. Disastrous.

Fortunately, he made a mistake of his own. He still held on to the ball. Although it was just for a second, he waited long enough for me to get to my knees. Or, as fans of the Astonishing Dodgeblog call it, Dodging Position #2. He wound up and threw at me, aiming very high on my chest.

And I caught the ball.

That's right, I caught a ball point-blank, high on my chest. A miracle, since I suck at catching. I then leaped to my feet, and turned to the guy's stunned teammate who was still standing at the centre line. He turned and started to run parallel along the centre line. I gave chase and as he looked over his shoulder, I threw a fake at him. He jumped, and then I blasted him with the ball square in the back.

Both teams exploded in applause and the Moth Balls came out on to the court to give me high fives and congratulate me on my play. The guy whose ball I caught was very gracious and came over to our side of the court to shake my hand. It was definitely the best catch I've ever made.

We lost to the Ball Maulers 19-4, but I will always remember that circus catch.

Evil Empire: A Dodge-umentary

A few seasons ago my friend and film auteur Jared Bryer came to every Evil Empire dodgeball game and put together an impressive documentary. It's taken a while, but he's recently got it up online for all to see.


The Evil Empire: A Dodge-Umentary from Jared Bryer on Vimeo.

Made of FAIL.

Weeks ago the Moth Balls played a team called DUCK!. As you may recall, we beat them quite handedly and we were all encouraged with the progress we'd made as a team.

In that game I played fairly well. My throws were really humming, although my shoulder was beginning to ache. One of the girls on their team called out "I'm scared of your throws!" It was all quite gratifying.

This week would be very different: I sucked.

Epicly.

I was way too aggressive and something of a ball hog. A poor strategy given that we were playing at the surprisingly deep St. Luke's Gym and my arm has become a noodle thanks to playing two hours of dodgeball a week. At the same time, I was trying way too hard to get catches.

Although I had two very strong, dominant rounds I still reeked of effort. A strong athletic performance in any sport should seem comfortable, like second nature. Getting winded, wincing in pain, or just generally being awkward in any sport is a recipe for disaster. I was guilty of just working too hard and overplaying.

My poor play was compounded by the fact that no one on our team played well. We all had tough nights. We man-handled DUCK! six weeks ago, and they returned the favour and beat us 11-8.

Even Jellybean couldn't muster up much in the way of moral support. She had to admit that it had been the worst game she'd seen me play. Ever.

Oh well. Gotta put it behind me. Today's throw has no effect on tomorrow's.

Dodge 101: Stance

I have been remiss in my duties as a dodgeball savant. I haven't posted nearly enough on the tactics or strategies of the sport of kings: dodgeball.

Let's start with the basics.

Stance:
It's a scientific fact that the slower you move, or the more still you stay, the better your eyesight is. Therefore, you want to stay as still as possible when you think the ball is going to be thrown at you. The more "settled" your eyes get, the better you'll be able to see and react.

It also means you don't want to be spinning or moving around a lot, since it will make your vision, and therefore you reaction time, worse.

So there are two basic stances you want to maintain.

Your first dodging position is an obvious one: standing up, with your feet about shoulder width apart.

I also think it's best to have you knees slightly bent so that it'll be easier to get moving. Of course, I also tower between 6'3 and 6'4, so bending my knees makes me a slightly smaller target. You'll also want your arms to your sides, and ready to move as necessary. Basically, you'll want to look like the picture of me on the left.

From the standing position, you can do just about anything. You'll be able to jump, run, roll, duck and even drop to your knees, which sets up your next position.

Your other dodging stance should be from your knees. Again, you'll want your base to be about shoulder width apart. Obviously, you'll want your knees bent, and I recommend having your weight back on your body, over your ankles. This will make it easier to rock back on to your feet and quickly stand up. Again, your hands should be bent at the elbows, and ready to move for a catch. From your kneeling position you can make catches, duck under throws, block balls and should also be able to make a quick, short range throw.

Both of these stances should be your resting positions, with your kneeling stance as a fall back from your standing position. The goal of both is to give you a solid base with lots of options for quick movements.

Although both can be used anywhere on the court, the ideal spot for both is from what we call in the competitive leagues, the back line. The back line being about one pace in front of the wall at the back of your court. I'm sure you'll find that as soon as a round begins most experienced players will take a step, maybe two forward from the wall, and then settle into one of these positions.

There are also a few no-nos that all good dodgers know to avoid:

1) Never, ever, dodge in front of a teammate. Although you might get around the ball, the person behind you stands no chance, whatsoever.

2) Never turn your back on the other team. It's much better to back up slowly and keep your eye on the ball then it is to sprint with your back to the other team.

3) Variety is the spice of life. If you dodge to your right every time, I'm going to start throwing to your right every time.

4) Make your dodges explosive. Many times I've seen people make the right decision on a dodge - - their timing was right, the direction they chose was right - - but they didn't make it explosive, so they didn't get out of the way quickly enough. Make sure that when you dodge, it's a dodge big enough to get you out of the way of the ball.

There's a lot more to dodging, but this is certainly a good foundation to work from.

Tuesday night's alright for fighting...

The Moth Balls, my rec league team, have now cycled through to the beginning of their schedule and replayed the Incredi-balls, a team we played in our very first week. The first time round was not a pleasant experience.

They were, for lack of a better term, a bag of dicks.

They were unfamiliar with rules (in particular, they were convinced a ball was still live after hitting the ground) and ignored when the ball had hit them directly. They'd also complained about me throwing the ball too hard.


Jellybean, Lefty and I were not looking forward to playing them again and even discussed printing off the rules to help us in any arguments that may arise.


I knew we were in trouble when early in the game one of their guys made a point of crossing the floor to shake the hand of our teammate Rob. I know this may sound weird, but I never trust a guy who shakes hands too much. You shake hands when you meet someone, when you congratulate them, and that's it. Anything else is insincere.

Although the Incredi-balls had certainly learned some of the rules, they still were pretty bad. They thought the ball was dead if blocked by another ball. They purposely took headers into thrown balls to try and get our players out. One of their guys regularly tried to act injured. When the ball hit them, even squarely, they'd act like they didn't get hit. Some players would have to be hit three or four times for it to "take".

In particular, they were angry with how hard I was throwing. Now, as I've said earlier, I only throw sidearm in this league and make sure I throw very low. So although I might throw harder then most players, at least it's always below the waist. In fact, the only person I hit in the head was a guy who purposely dipped his head into the ball.

So in the last round of the game, I hit a girl with the ball. Absolutely clear. A solid hit in the small of her back. She refused to get off the floor, because I was being "unsportsmanlike".

Then things got out of hand.

I was content to keep playing (I could've hit her three of four more times, for all I cared) but that was the last straw for my team and, apparently, for the Incredi-balls. Both benches cleared so that people could stand chest to chest and argue. One of the Incredi-balls called my team captain a "fat bitch". Both teams got zero spirit points.

What makes this so upsetting is that they were pretty proud of how they behaved. They won the game, so they think they have some kind of moral high ground. They don't realize that they'd get smoked in a competitive league, even an intermediate league, and that the only reason why they beat us was their blatant cheating. It was a frustrating game, but we likely won't have to play these guys again.

SLAUGHTERHOUSE 5

My last game, with the Moth Balls just two nights ago, left a really bitter taste in my mouth. After all, I had been called a poor sport because I throw too hard. Like licking batteries. However, I was hoping to cleanse my palette with an easy victory over SLAUGHTERHOUSE. A team that I would classify as Not Very Good, as indicated by our 16-13 victory over them earlier in the season.

No such luck.

Our game was late at night in one of the gyms at Havergal. Havergal is a beautiful girls private school, across the street from the rough and tumble senior school that Smirnoff, My Pet Monster, Hot Sauce, The Deal and I all attended: Glenview. In addition to a solid academic reputation and short skirts, Havergal has excellent athletic facilities.

Unless you want to throw a lightweight foam ball across the width of one of their gyms. Then its way too big and it'll kill your arm.

This was the big issue for us against Slaughterhouse. The Evil Empire, although it's very experienced and has lots of clever strategies and tactics, does not have a very good set of arms. We can throw with power, but not accuracy, at big gyms like Havergal. Or we can throw with skill, but not strength. With this weakness in mind, I made the Reg Dunlop Award all about getting catches and not getting caught out.

Unfortunately, Slaughterhouse quickly had us rattled, largely by complaining about the rules and claiming we were out most of the time. It was, in many ways, a replay of our previous game where one of their players (sarcastically nicknamed by us "Asian Sensation") got under our skin. Jimmers, in particular, was pissed off by this guys flapping gums.

This was all reflected in the play of our team. We rarely threw together in barrages, which ruined a key strategy in a big gym. We threw from the back line, allowing Slaughterhouse to get easy catches, and generally played poorly.

The one "play" that was good was actually a slick veterans play by your esteemed captain: me. About two-thirds of the way through the game, we were tied 5-5. I heard one of their teammates say to his team "Come on, one more win and we'll be tied up!" Obviously, they thought they were losing by one. We won that round, and I immediately went over to Slaughterhouse's bench and asked them the score. 7-5 is what they had. I went over, added an extra win to our scorecard, and kept playing.

The final score was a 9-7 victory for us, but if you count the round I stole from them, it would actually be much closer. Definitely not our best game.

"Careful... he's really good at catching!"

When it comes to dodgeball, I would list my strengths in this order: dodging, then strategy and tactics, then throwing, then showing up, eating wings, tying my own shoes, finding the gym, and just about everything else involved in the process of playing in a game of dodgeball before catching.

Dodging? I have often arrogantly proclaimed myself the best dodger in all of Toronto.

Strategy and tactics? I'm often tempted to bring a wipe board to games to draw Xs and Os for my teammates.

Throwing? I'm like a young Tom Glavine out there on the court. Relying on off-speed pitches and locations to snipe my opponents.

My ability to show up? Jimmers is blown away by it.

However, I am epicly bad at catching.

There have been entire seasons where I have not gotten a catch. Other seasons, my catches have come by accident, like the time I caught a ball in my armpit with the follow through from my arm. Basically, for me to catch a ball, my opponent has to stroll up and hand me the ball.

I suck at catching.

However, playing in the rec leagues has really improved my catching. So much so that in last night's 10-7 loss to Dodge This, the other team was avoiding throwing at me and saying things like "It's too late now, he's setup." "Don't throw at that guy, he's a catcher!"

Playing with the Moth Balls in the rec league has done a great job of preparing me for my intermediate/competitive games with the Evil Empire. I don't catch as much when I'm wearing the Empire's black and white, but I make much better decisions with my catches, and can now be relied upon to get one or two per game.

This is definitely a recent development in my game, and something I need to keep working on. Watch this space and I'll start posting tips as I figure this whole thing out. Until then, it's kind of a mystery to me!

The difference between you and us? We make this look good...

Thursday night's Evil Empire game was bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. We were playing the Shweaty Balls, a fairly experienced rec team that features a few players from the very first dodgeball season. With practice, they'll be one of the stronger teams in the league, they just have to work on ball control and working in sync with each other.

Unfortunately for them, they're not there yet.

Our first game we beat them 15-10, and this game would be even more lopsided with us winning 20-9. Obviously, playing 29 games (really, 30 games if you include the all-in round at the end of the game) in just 55 minutes shows how fast the pace of the game was. The rounds were, on average less then two minutes long. That's twice as fast as our last match-up.

The high-velocity game, coupled with the very small gym at Blessed John school made for a very exciting game that had some ridiculous plays. One shot went off Tool Time, but before the ball was able to hit the ground, 8Mile got a hand on it, and had the ball roll down his arm, along his shoulders and back before he was able to get his other hand on it for the catch.

I was able to catch a throw from their strongest player by jabbing my elbow into the ball as it hit my side. I managed to pin it long enough to grab it with my other hand.

However, the play of the night goes to My Pet Monster who made the sneakiest carny move I've ever seen. With the Shweaty Balls down to just two players, My Pet Monster wound up and threw a slow, arching lob at one of them. Every member of the Empire audibly gasped. The other player read the ball perfectly, dropped the ball he was holding, and caught MPM's toss. The Shweaty Balls bench exploded and a player ran on to the court.

But MPM pointed at the other player and said "YOU'RE OUT! YOU DROPPED THE BALL!"

You see, TCSSC recently changed their rules so that they clearly state:

4. iv. Once in possession of a ball, a player cannot under any circumstances place a ball back down on their own side of the court. By doing so, that player is out. This includes putting a ball down in an attempt to catch on a second incoming ball. If you drop the original ball (by accident or on purpose), you are out.

What a wily veteran play. MPM knew that this guy had played before and that in an intense, high-speed game would rely upon his instincts. Unfortunately for our opponent, his instincts were wrong. What a play.

It was a wild game with lots of crazy plays, weird bounces and circus catches and a hell of a lot of fun to play. I am concerned though. I don't want a wild and fun game like that to reinforce any bad, lazy habits on the court. In a lot of ways, our loss to Shouldice the previous week was a better game with sounder fundamentals and stronger tactical play. However, the league has announced that this week's game is going to be postponed, so we have a week off. Hopefully, that'll let us clear our heads and focus on the kind of play that makes us such a dominant team.

In any event, it was a crazy fun and exciting game. Observe the orgy that ensued:


That's a lot of dude-on-dude action.

Because Blessed John is such a small gym, the Reg Dunlop Memorial Award was geared toward ball control, a facet of the game that is always an issue in the smaller dodgeball venues. The format was simple: Every time you swept a ball, you'd get a point. Whoever had the most points would win. It was all about the ladies, as Kannah beat out Pocahontas by a single sweep to win the lovely CIBC coffee mug. Congratulations Kannah Hoh, who can now drink a cup of joe.

Thanks, I'll be here all week. Tip your waitress.

Getting a little more serious now...

This may not have come across in my previous Moth Ball posts, but our team had not won many games. In fact, we had only won one game, putting us in a tie for last place with a one and three record. Granted, our three losses had been close affairs, but a loss is a loss. Fortunately, we had also only lost one spirit point, so we were still in striking disctance of the top four teams, and therefore, a spot in the playoffs.

This week we played Not In The Face!!!!, co-holders of the cellar keys with us. Before the game, Lefty, Jellybean and I took the subway out together, and the girls and I decided that we were tired of losing, and were determined to win. Lefty went so far as to challenge me to try and get all six outs to win a round by myself. The challenge is, I'm trying very hard to hold back in the rec leagues, but I promised that I would see what I could do.

Our opponents were very late, and so I had a lot of time to properly get warmed up and stretched out which helped with my arm. My arm, particularly my shoulder, was feeling nice and loose. But I decided to throw all sidearm anyway, because Havergal is one of the deeper gyms I've had to play in, and I'm always concerned about throwing my arm out. I don't mind going overboard for a competitive league championship, but for a rec game cellar-dwellers derby? No thanks. Besides, I didn't want to lose us spirit points.

Turns out my sidearm was more then enough. I was only caught out once, and my throws were low and surprisingly hard. I was scattering their players left and right and even had a few rounds where I got lucky and took out two players with one bounce. I made a point of hanging back every round, and waiting for the flow of the game to get going, and then I'd grab a loose ball and start with a strong strike on one of their players. Generally, I was able to get in close and get in an emphatic hit on one of their more aggressive players. After making a statement like that, our opponents started to play on their heels and I was able to assert myself at the line and start picking them off. It didn't work every round, but it was pretty effective.

It got to the point where the other team couldn't keep their eyes off of me, even when I was without a ball. This opened them up to lots of snipes by my teammates on the Moth Balls.

And, really, that's the important thing. As much as my ego wants to take all the credit, there were some rounds I played in where we lost. There were some rounds that we won that I wasn't even playing. The Moth Balls really are learning to play, either from my example or figuring things out on their own. Their arms are getting more accurate and stronger, and they're seeing the play unfold.

As expected, playing on a rec team that's largely women is a complete change of pace from playing on the hyper-competitive Evil Empire which is largely men. Both teams are a lot of fun, albeit in very different ways. I'm glad to see the Moth Balls coming together, learning the Sport of Kings, and having fun. It's gratifying to see and be a part of.

Now, if I can only play like that every week...

The return of Bizarro Evil Empire

Good-bye?

Chud am #1. Chud am captain of Evil Empire, the good guys of dodgeball. Last game, Empire play Shouldice, the bad Evil Empire. Shouldice are Bizarro Evil Empire.

Shouldice am last ever team Evil Empire played five years from now. Evil Empire loved Shouldice so much. Empire beat Shouldice 14-1 in first game. For years, Evil Empire better then Shouldice.

Evil Empire had Shouldice wrapped around finger so much, Empire tied them on purpose to set-up ideal playoffs.

A few years from now, Empire took a season off, while Shouldice kept playing. Shouldice practiced on own time. Shouldice learned to play better.

Empire developed complex about Shouldice. Shouldice win Canadian Beach Dodgeball Championships repeatedly. Shouldice become Empire's greatest rival. Baldy am captain of Shouldice. Baldy am best dodgeball player in Toronto.

Empire and Shouldice am same, but different.

Empire wear black. Shouldice white.

Shouldice disciplined, Empire emotional.

Shouldice captain bald, Empire's captain have hair everywhere.

Empire creative and create new plays. Shouldice stick to fundamentals.

Evil Empire hate new TCSSC rules, Shouldice love new TCSSC rules.

Empire lose to Shouldice 17-13. Empire am happy though. Empire discover new chink in Shouldice's armour. Shouldice am false sense of confidence. Empire going to see Shouldice again in playoffs.

Shouldice in for unpleasant surprise.

Hello!

A rose by any other name...

An integral part of any dodgeball team's strategy is the use and application of a nickname. Obviously, I refer to just about all my teammates by a nickname of some sort. Although I don't always call my friends by these nicknames in real life, it does serve to protect their future political careers.

However, in games, there is are several uses for nicknames, specifically to target opponents and, more importantly, chirping.

Yes, there is nothing like an apt nickname to get under the skin of an opponent and distract them from their dodging.

To help the novice dodgeballer, I thought I'd compile some sample invectives, and then how to use them for maximum efficiency. Just print off this easy to use guide, and get down to business.

Guide to Nicknames
1) The first and most important rule for a solid nickname carve is don't make it too personal. You want to stick to subject matter that your target has control over. In other words, no ethnic slurs, insults based on sexual preference or anything like that. Stick to things that they did to themselves like facial hair or their clothes.

2) Use a caricaturists' eye when creating the chirp. Make broad assumptions about the person's character and moral fibre based solely off of their appearance. Remember, the nickname is not just for your benefit, but for your entire team. Your friends should be able to glance at the other team and know exactly who you mean.

3) Do not use simile, but rely upon metaphor. Don't announce "Hey, that guy looks like Tom Selleck". Simply make calls like "Tom Selleck has the ball!"

4) The funnier, the better. If you can get the other team laughing at their own players, you've achieved your goal. It's tough to dodge while laughing, and it'll be hard for them to get mad at you if you're making them smile.

5) A good start is to look at how they're dressed. Although it's not a put-down, "blue shorts" is pretty effective when trying to target someone.

Here are some ideas for chirps:

For the hairy male player:
- Tom Selleck
- Alex Trebek
- Chewbacca (Chewy for short)
- Wookie
- Ewok
- Bear-rug
- Weave
- Robin Williams
- Austin Powers
- Thatched Roof

For the short player:
- Oompa-Loompa
- Ewok
- Leprechaun
- Short-round
- Pint-size
- Hobbit
- Frodo
- Bilbo
- Baggins
- Wee Willy
- Rudy
- Tom Cruise

For the overweight:
- Lunchbox
- Bakesale
- Snack-shack
- Poundcakes
- Tons of Fun
- Chunk
- Buffet
- Mama Cass
- Carnie Wilson
- Dom Deluise (It's definitely worth clicking on this link)

For anyone who plays with a swagger or cockiness
- Han Solo (Han for short)
- Maverick
- Iceman
- ARod
- Hot Shot
- Hal Jordan

Anyone who talks too much
- Chatty Kathy (best used against a guy)
- Talkbox
- Master Blaster
- Mouthpiece
- Mouth of the South
- Flavour Flav
- Hype Man
- Chudley


Really, there is no limit to the possibilities. If you've got any suggestions yourself, please post them in the comments section, I'd love to read them.

Just something to ruminate on...

I'm behind on posts, so I'm working my way through some content while listening to the Chargers losing to the Bills.

However, I don't want to deprive you of any dodgeball news, tips or information. So here is the one, and only photo, I took on Thursday night against Shouldice.

Evil Empire: We're bringing sexy back.

Frenemies

So I saw Smirnoff the other day and he goes "I got caught up on your dodgeball blog the other day and saw that you haven't made any mention of the best game I've ever had in my long and storied dodgeball career!"

Well Smirnoff, here it is.

My Thursday night game was at Huron Street Public School, near Spadina and Bloor. More importantly, it is just one block east, and one block north, of the Madison Avenue Pub. We'd never played there before, but I knew it was a small gym because it had been my local polling station for two years.

Our opponents, Dodgebull2, were also familiar, since they're led by former Evil Empire member Helen. That's right Helen, you don't get a clever nickname. Dodgebull also has a few other players we've been on tournament teams with. They know us and our style well, and we know how they roll pretty well too.

This season, TCSSC has introduced new rules that many of the teams, including the Evil Empire, have not been impressed with. However, one team Shouldice, has been insistent on playing by the new rules. Helen's team had played Shouldice the week before and had really struggled with playing under these rules. Since we are playing Shouldice next week, and Helen wanted her team to get more accustomed to the rules, she and I agreed that we'd abide by the new rules.

I had hoped that we'd be able to keep it light and friendly by issuing warnings to the each other if we broke these new by-laws.

No such luck.

Almost right off the bat we were getting into some heated exchanges over line disputes, ball control, and head shots. It's shitty to see two friendly teams get into chirp-fests over what amounts to very little. We used to have a phrase on earlier versions of the Empire... "If you can hit them once, you can hit them twice." I think we're going to have to get back to that philosophy.

We did try to keep it light on our bench with the Reg Dunlop Award. This week, it was all about who could stay in rounds the longest. If you survived a round, you got a point. If you were our last player on the court in a losing effort, you got a point. While I got one measly point, largely because my teammates refused to dive in front of balls thrown at me, Smirnoff was dominate. If memory serves, he got eight points. If I may say, his performance was sublime, all while looking good in his stylish new glasses. But Smirnoff wasn't just styling and profiling, the glasses apparently really helped his vision. He made great catches, swept the ball, and was throwing a sweet curve.

As you can tell from the photo, Smirnoff was nothing short of ecstatic to get the prize, which was a backpack including a Tide stain stick and golf ball shaped breath mints all provided, as always, by Mr. Jimmers. We be ballin', yo.

Also, not to rub it in our peers' faces, but we did win the game, quite handedly, 12-6.

The night the line was crossed...

I'm not sure if it's apparent in these posts, but I'm finding the rec level of dodgeball pretty challenging. Not because the level of play is too difficult, but because I want to hold back.

I need to hold back.

I'm sure my opponents will be able to handle my throws and tactics and the like, but I don't know that they can handle my level of competitiveness. I know that most, if not all, of the teams at the rec level are just playing for fun, so I don't want to be the ultra-competitive asshole who spoils everyone's fun.

Unfortunately, in my last game with the Moth Balls, I got a bit out of hand.

There was a guy on the other team (The Average Nunos) who was a bit douchey. He'd yell and scream to distract our players when they ran for the balls at the start of the round, and yell at us for holding the balls too long. One time, while he was already holding a ball, I picked up a ball and after about seven seconds he started yelling at me that I'd held my ball for too long. Obviously, if I'd held my ball too long, he'd definitely held his too long. When he threw his ball, he stepped way across the line. Later that same round, he bitched out one of our players for going to close to the line.

So, between rounds, I went over and spoke to the guy. "Hey, when you called me on having the ball for ten seconds, you'd had your ball a lot longer, and then you stepped waaay across the line. I don't mind you calling these things, but call it even." The guy looked at me like I was a lunatic.

Perhaps I am.

Later, I ran in on a strike on that same guy. He blocked my throw, but the deflection hit him squarely in the leg. He then went in to a wind-up and threw his ball at me. That's when I snapped.

"Oh, like that ball didn't hit you!"

"It hit my ball first."

"That doesn't matter, it's still live."

In my re-telling here, I may be playing down how strong and angry I was. In fact, if there was a font for Rage Black Out, I'd be using it. The guy did get off the court, but he was not pleased. Nor should he be, I was getting too wound up.

At the same time, he was using the rules as a sword, not a shield, and not at all playing fairly. But this is exactly the kind of challenge I was talking about... getting too wound up in the rec leagues leads to disputes much faster then they would in the competitive leagues. It's a combination, I think of unfamiliarity with the rules, as well as different levels of competitiveness. Even if that guy on the other team was more familiar with the rules, or didn't apply a double-standard, we'd still have issues with my level of intensity being way higher then his.

Like I said, holding back is the hardest part of playing rec, and it is something I need to work on.

No love for the Asian sensation

The differences between my two dodgeball teams and leagues are myriad. Although the recreational league on Tuesday nights is full of confusion and chaos with people being ignorant of the rules, my rec team, the Moth Balls, are quite tranquil in their approach to the game. Our last game, for example, was really laid back on the bench, even though the other team were jerks and had no idea what the rules were. On the other hand, in the competitive/intermediate league everyone is much more experienced and knows the rules. Any unfamiliarity with the rules comes from the captains not properly communicating any changes that might have been made at the last minute to the rules. That said, the teams are vicious and will have a nasty disposition towards each other most of the time.

Last night's game is a perfect example of this: we were playing a team called SLAUGHTERHOUSE, who we've played at least once before. I am also pretty sure that they've played in previous seasons on other nights or divisions. They were very familiar with the old rules as well as the new rules. However, how they decided to apply them was sketchy. The new rules state that anyone hit in the head is safe, but the person who threw the ball is out. One of their players therefore made a point of getting on his hands and knees and tried to get hit squarely in the back of the head every time we had the ball.

He knew the rule, but he chose to use it as a sword instead of a shield.

They also engaged in something I like to call "Wishing someone off the court". Tool Time blocked a ball, and The Deal was able to slide under and catch his ball. However, they insisted that Tool Time had been hit by a second ball. Really, any ball that came near Tool Time they'd call him out, whether it hit him or not.

In particular, they had one player, who we took to calling Asian Sensation, who was a pain in the ass. He'd call "Ready Set Dodgeball" before we had most of our players on the court. He'd then call it again, but this time while he was three or four steps away from the wall. He'd get hit and not leave the floor and he was one of the main perpetrators of wishing off the court. He was generally just a pain. The worst part? He wasn't even that good a player!

Fortunately, we easily beat them 16-13. More importantly, we played a much more relaxed game then the previous week where we got completely out of hand. That is now my going concern - - making sure that we as a team, as a group of friends, can improve our sportsmanship and stay loose for each and every game. It is definitely our biggest weakness as a team, and is more often then not our Achilles Heel.

Close, but no cigar

This was the Moth Balls third week, and we have now, clearly, settled down. We're not longer overwhelmed by the speed of the game, and our players have a very definite understanding of the speed and pace of the game and what should be expected during a match.

One thing our team has really improved on is catching. The first week catches were almost accidental. The ball would just kind of find its way into our hands. But as you can see in the photo of Lefty to the... left... we're able to make more clutch catches at key times.

Unfortunately, we're also getting caught out a lot more. I for one was caught out an embarrassingly high amount. At least three times. I think this comes with increased accuracy, but accuracy that is coming at the sacrifice of power. I know that my arm, and some of my teammates' arms are starting to get real joint pain.

Although we're playing much better, and are really getting a grasp of teamwork, we lost to Can't Touch Disk 10-9 at Eastern Commerce. I wholly expect that the next time we play them we'll play much better and get the win.

Just like hair in new places, head shots are a fact of life

Maybe it's playing in a rec league, maybe it's the new rules, but the issue du jour in Toronto area dodgeball seems to be head shots. When to call them, when not to call them, and most importantly, the apparently dire need to STOP THROWING SO HIGH.

Really, this has been the theme of the season: Teams complaining about head shots. The first week with the Moth Balls, the other team asked (yelled at) me to stop throwing the ball so hard at girls. Never mind that one of their male players bloodied one of my teammates' noses and never mind that I never threw a ball higher then waist-high. I made a conscious effort to throw lower, but to stop throwing my hardest at the request of another team is, to me, ridiculous. Particularly considering the fact that I don't even throw that hard.

The second game that week, playing with the Evil Empire, we had agreed that all head shots would be neutral on the assumption that no one would purposely aim high, and no one would purposely get hit in the head. Unfortunately, we promptly hit the same player in the head at least a half-dozen times, if not more. It wasn't on purpose, but it did happen frequently. Eventually, our opponent got fed up and yelled at us to stop throwing at his head, that our neutral head shot calls were bullshit and that we should play by the proper rules. Jimmers spoke to him after the round and calmed him down, and, to his credit, the guy came over to us and apologized for his outburst after the game.

In the second week of the season, the Moth Balls had similar issues. My arm was aching so I was trying to stick to my sidearm throw (which is much softer and lower then my regular overhand pitch) but one of their players was a pretty good catcher and had a reasonably strong arm, so I made a point of using my overhand fastball on him. On a well-timed strike I blasted him in the chest. His reaction? "WATCH THE HEAD SHOTS!" Not that I had hit him in the head, mind you. Although he articulated it poorly, he was just that he'd been hit hard and caught unawares.

We were having similar trouble with our opponents on Thursday night, when the Evil Empire lost to the Hell Spawns. Although their captain had suggested we call all head shots as neutral, his teammates insisted that we were out any time we hit them in the head. At the same time, on one play where I was hit square in the face, they tried to claim that it had bounced off my hands and into my face. They also hit Jellybean directly in the head, after distracting her by yelling at her for already being out.

Clearly, the head shots are out of hand.

More specifically, the reaction to head shots is out of proportion and out of hand. They're an inevitable part of the game and, going against Freudian logic, not at all on purpose. It reminds me of a conversation I once overheard during a lacrosse practice. One of my teammates, Chris, had been a linebacker with the university's football team and switched sports to join our lacrosse team. During a practice he flattened one of our smaller teammates and began spouting apologies and saying that he'd go easier next time around. Eventually, the smaller player replied "Relax. It's not like I go home and tell my mom 'I can't believe I got hit playing lacrosse!' It's part of the game. I expect it."

If only dodgeball players could take head shots in stride as well as my lacrosse teammate. Head shots, getting hit hard with the ball, are all part of the game. It can hurt, take you by surprise, and even upset you. But to complain about it? That's nonsense. Head shots are a fact of dodgeball life.

The only thing to we have to fear is fear itself

Unfortunately, on Thursday night the Evil Empire lost for the first time this season. We were playing a team called the Hell Spawns at Fieldstone Day School up near Lawrence and Dufferin. Although the Empire has won the majority of its matches, when it loses it follows a very set formula.

We win the first few rounds.

We lose a round.

We win a round, but in an unsatisfying manner.

We get frustrated.

The wheels come off the bus.

We lose a bunch of rounds.

We lose the game.

Although it's a frustrating cycle, it just illustrates how much emotion and passion we play with. When something gets us down, it takes us way down. And when we get frustrated, our frustration just builds and builds and it's very hard to break out of.

This week, the frustration was stemming from a couple of issues. The first was that we had three players playing who were not able to play the previous week, specifically Hot Sauce, The Deal and Smirnoff, and so all three had to work through some rust. Personally, I was dealing with an arm that had gotten creaky during my Tuesday night rec league game. Although all three guys played very well and made some great catches, it was clear that they needed some time to feel comfortable on the court again.

Something that added to that discomfort was the Hell Spawns insistence on sticking to some of TCSSC's new rules, specifically:

iv. Once in possession of a ball, a player cannot under any circumstances place a ball back down on their own side of the court. By doing so, that player is out. This includes putting a ball down in an attempt to catch on a second incoming ball. If you drop the original ball (by accident or on purpose), you are out.

Many times he had players make a big catch, and then throw the ball down to look for a second catch or just because they didn't like the feel of the ball. So although they got the big out, they were also out. We even had players dribbling the ball as they were winding up for a throw, which also meant they were out.

Third of all, the TCSSC rep was unable to find a janitor at the school, so there was no wall between the two dodgeball games being played in the gym. This meant that our balls were constantly going out of bounds (that's what she said?) and landing in the midst of the adjacent game.

Finally, our opponents, the Hell Spawns, were impressively inconsistent in their application of the rules. They'd make a big show of counting down our ten second time limit with the balls, but if we did the same, they'd ignore us. Their captain asked that we call all head shots as neutral, and then they called us out if we accidentally hit them in the head. In one ugly incident, they argued a call with Jellybean, and as she was seeking clarification from them, one of their players hit her directly in the head.

Although we played well for the first twenty minutes, the combination of rust, struggling with the new rules, the balls constantly leaving or entering the court, and the scattershot interpretation of the rules by our opponents was just too much for us. We got frustrated, and when we're frustrated we play angry and stupid. We need to stay loose and have fun to play well, and everything just got us wound up too tight. One of our players ended up yelling at the TCSSC rep, and I had to bench him for the remaining round.

As Yogi Berra once said, half of this game is ninety percent mental. Thursday night underscored that for me. We can definitely bounce back from this game, and I wholly expect we will, but it just goes to show that the only team in the league that can beat the Evil Empire is the Evil Empire itself.

"They're beginning to believe...."

Game two of the Moth Ball's season was last night, at St. Luke's Gym, a school where I've played at least a dozen times before. It's a good size gym, but as it always is, it was pretty damn warm. We were playing the somewhat panicked sounding DUCK!.

We won 10-7, even though DUCK! staged a small comeback in the late quarter of the hour.

I definitely had a stronger game then the previous week, where I felt I was struggling with my throws and with my dodging. I was still very rusty. However, with the first week of dodgeball under my belt, I had shook off the rust and was performing much better. My throws were much stronger and I had better control. Throws I'd missed in the first week were connecting. All this was despite the fact that in the very first round my shoulder had made a fantastic snap-crackle-pop sound. I stuck to throwing my sidearm pitch, except at close range or against guys who'd proven that they were strong catchers. In particular, I had to use an overhand fast ball or a curve against their best player, a guy who was throwing pretty hard and could catch.

Given how shitacular my dodging had been the week before, it was an easy step to improve this time around. Last week I'd been making brutal rookie mistakes like turning my back to the centre-line to pick up walls bouncing off the wall. I had also developed the habit of staying still when someone called a barrage down on me. That is no way to avoid a ball. I made a mental note of these mistakes last week, and made a point of keeping more active and being more conservative in my approach to the game.

The highlight of the game though, was not my play (as pleased as I am with my performance) but with the play of my teammates. Our first game, all of our offensive production was limited to just a few players. In our second week, everyone on our team got at least two people out. Everyone was throwing well, and everyone was catching. I felt like Morpheus in the Matrix. "They're starting to believe."

At this point, I have been keeping my mouth shut about tactics and strategies and the different philosophies of dodgeball because I don't want to come off as pedantic or arrogant. All this progress is of their own doing, a natural step as everyone gets used to the speed of the game. It is not just a dodgeball thing either - - the most important step in developing skill at any competitive level of sport is getting used to the pace of it. As soon as you're accustomed to the speed of a game, you can make better decisions and you can see the play unfold. It helps with your timing, and timing, as they say is everything.

Miyamoto Musashi says: "The way to win in a battle according to military science is to know the rhythms of the specific opponents, and use rhythms that your opponents do not expect, producing formless rhythms from rhythms of wisdom." (The Earth Scroll)

As we learn about the speed and pacing of the game, we learn about its timing and, as Musashi says, we learn how to use that timing against our opponents.

The best example of this was a round that my line played last night where we were consistently able to counter-strike DUCK! and make them play on their heels. It was easily the fastest round of the game, and although I was on the court, I actually didn't even touch a ball. It was all Jellybean, Lefty, and our teammates just getting in touch with the flow of the sport.

It was an excellent game.

We take summers off because we love winter beef...

After my first game with the Moth Balls I was really sore. I mean, really really sore. I had picked up a very attractive scab on my right hip from floor-burn from sliding on the floor, and was generally sore from getting back into the swing of things. Also, my new job which is about 90% heavy-lifting didn't help either.

Fortunately, the Evil Empire's game was at Blessed John Elementary School and featured the Tiniest Gym Ever(tm). Seriously, the gym is maybe thirty paces deep. Our game was against the Shweaty Balls who've played a great deal of dodgeball at the recreational and intermediate levels. Surprisingly, we'd never played them before, at least not in this incarnation. Their captain, Jen, had been a member of the Dodgefathers, one of the better teams we regularly play. They also had a player who had been on a team called Chocolate Salty Balls, a team that soundly defeated us in our first season five years ago.

Unlike my game with the Moth Balls, I was feeling little rust, and I don't think many of us on the Empire were. I got two catches, including a low catch where I had to drop to my knees to end a round, and my throws were humming. In particular, I made good use of exiting players to catch our opponents by surprise. Although we were running a short bench (with Vaggio injured, Hot Sauce in class, The Deal at work, and Smirnoff out drinking after a work event) everyone played really well.

In particular, 8Mile played really well. This was the first game of only his second season, but he played exceedingly well. He got at least five catches, and, most impressively, was an excellent striker. I won't get in to too much detail, as I am planning on dedicating a future post to the topic, but in short, a strike a counter-attack. 8Mile was really quick at grabbing a loose ball and running in and pegging our opponents at short range just as they had, or were about to, throw a barrage at our team. He broke up a lot of their plays, and insured that every time they got one of us out, we got one of them out. It really was a masterful performance!

One highlight of the game was that I had asked the other team's captain to call head shots neutral since no one is going to purposely get hit in the head with a ball, and no one wants to purposely hit anyone in the head with the ball. Seeing the sense in my suggestion, she agreed.

We promptly hit one of their players in the head, particularly in his face, at least ten times.

It wasn't on purpose, it was just bad luck. Pocahontas hit him two or three times because the ball slipped from her hand. My Pet Monster and Tool Time were both having their balls spin up and in to his face, and even I hit him at close range when he ducked down low and caught the ball in the jaw. Eventually, he lost his cool and told us that it was bullshit that we'd asked for head shots to be neutral and that we had to stop throwing low.

Much to my surprise, and pleasure, Jimmers calmly spoke to him after that round and told him that we weren't doing it on purpose and that he should calm down. Yelling wouldn't get us anywhere. It was nice to see Jimmers, who in the past has been the most hot-headed member of our team, be the voice of reason.

We played a very tight game with excellent teamwork and communication and won 15-10. We also got full spirit points, putting us in a three way tie for first place along with our nemesis New Sense Presents: Girls' Night Out and our friends on Dodgebull 2.

This season, we're doing what we call the Reg Dunlop Award every week. The Reg Dunlop is, essentially, a prize that goes to someone on our team for completing a particular task. This week, it was to see who could catch the most balls in a game. It came down to Week One MVP 8Mile and Jimmers, both of whom had caught five or six balls. In the end, it came down to a tie-breaker in the final, all-in round. 8Mile was eliminated in the round early, and Jimmers was able to win with a low grab. His prize was a very nice Wilson Athletics Backpack which he decided to give to Banana who insisted she needed a new backpack. (see picture)